C is for ‘Competing complainers’

…and also for cockwaffle.

Not too long ago when a person screamed life was getting too much for them and they were drowning, a flood of people would wash in to save them. Nowadays everyone is too busy wading up to their necks to compete for who has it worse – as if the quickest to die wins.

We’re human, we’re British (most of you on here anyway), I get it – we complain. But there’s a huge difference between complaining about something that can’t be changed vs. exaggerating every detail of your life to make it sound like everyone has it easy compared to poor old, miserable you.

Rarely do people I meet nowadays define themselves by their positives, by the things they enjoy, the things they are good at. It’s always a mad scramble of conversation to prove you’re the poorest, or the most ill, have the ‘worst’ mental health issue in the group, or your job is the hardest, or your soooo tired because you stayed up until 5am playing video games because you have insomnia (buy a dictionary, that’s not what insomnia is).

Seriously, stop being a cockwaffle! Be proud of yourself for your achievements, for your triumphs (no matter how small), and for actively chasing your dreams rather than revelling in your nightmares.

I get it –we all want to be special, nothing wrong with that, but when did we stop wanting to be special for being good at something rather than simply ‘having it hard’? It’s our own fault I suppose, we’re living in the era of ‘woe is me’. It’s easier to be special for being a failure these days, and the sympathy we give (deserved a lot of the time) becomes a crutch for some people and a much easier option in the search for specialdom. Why bother learning a language or honing your artistic skills when you can get all the attention you crave simply for stating you’re an insomniac, or you foolishly maxed out three credit cards, or you have a leaky ceiling that’s totally like not your like fault like, because who knew showers needed shower curtains?

I’ve seen groups of friends competing for who has it worst every time they meet, oohing and ahhing at the appropriate time, each waiting for their turn to stand in the centre of the cheerless circle jerk and dance like a sad clown for their audience.

Buck up, people! Stop feeling sorry for yourself (and other people), and be a better person.

Be a happy person.

“Unfuck yourself – be who you were before all that stuff happened that dimmed your fucking shine.”

A boo boo! My life is the WORST! No, seriously, no one has EVER had it harder.

A boo boo! My life is the WORST! No, seriously, no one has EVER had it harder.


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  1. Cockwaffle?! What a great word. I’ve got to use it sometime, even though it probably won’t sound quite as good with an American accent.

    I agree with you on the “woe is me” trend and I’m guilty, guilty, guilty. But when I pull this trick on my blog, I do try to make it funny (most of the time). It can be tricky pulling off the other side of the coin: “Look what I can do!” without coming off arrogant. Somewhere in there is a happy medium.

    1. Oh, moaning for comedic purposes and and hyperbole’s sake is great! It’s the people that do it looking for a big dollop of attention and praise that do my nut in.

        • subhmohanty on April 4, 2016 at 21:51
        • Reply

        agreed. Moaning is another fucked up way to get attention.

  2. How did you get that scratch on your arm? Sometimes I think it’s a competition of who has life the worst. Shut up, chin up and smile. 🙂

    1. Pratting about on rocks as usual 🙂

      1. *rolls eyes*

  3. Brilliant and so true…. I’ve been out cockwaffled on several occasions, it led to me shutting the duck up and getting on with it and here I am unfucked…. true story….

    1. …out cockwaffled…*snicker*

  4. Yes I’ve met quite a few through life that like to be the centre of attention for how hard their life is and then I’ve met plenty who I think how do you do it knowing some of the things they are coping with and yet they do not let it get them down and soldier on without complaint!
    A Stormy’s Sidekick
    Special Teaching at Pempi’s Palace

  5. Complainers! Bah! My husband con’t even see a sunset without finding something negative to say about it. There is a lot in this life to love as well, so I’m raising a cheer for optimism!

  6. Hehehe I loved this post. It’s so true!

    When I was 21, I decided to actively go after my dreams instead of wallowing in self-pity. You know what that got me? Well… I find that I rarely meet people I have anything in common with, for exactly the reasons you described.


  7. Or maybe you need to do something fun…rather then listening to everyone else’s complaints.

    Or day dream when they start, if you must sit in attendance during the complaints festival. Day dreaming is always fun.

    Or…try positive reinforcements for happy behavior. Hey, it works on my dog…sometimes.


    Visiting from the A-Z Challenge

    1. But…but then I’d have nothing to complain about 😉

      1. lol. Joining the cockwaffle club, are you?
        Have fun 🙂

        1. I’ve got a lifetime membership 😀

  8. It’s so true it’s almost not funny. Almost.

  9. I’m such a cocwaffle and saw myself in everything you said here. I rarely mention my positives. And I know someone, very close to home, that always competes with the worst story possible. If you said you had been to the moon and back, they would have said they had done it twice. Great post. Glad I asked you for the link now and will be returning later.

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