May 11

Bum in seat, hands on keyboard…

I submitted my latest short story the other week (to non UK people “the other week” can mean anything up to ten years ago), and it felt…well, kind of anticlimactic. I even managed to stop hitting refresh on my emails after a day or so whilst waiting for a reply. The response will arrive when …

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Apr 11

F is for ‘Fifteen miles!’

…and also for fucksticks. Back in my day you had to walk fifteen miles to get to work…and you were glad for the bloody opportunity! It were fifteen miles t’ nearest loo, and that were only for posh folk! And don’t get me started on all these fancy ‘remote controls’ you kids have nowadays…when we …

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Apr 06

E is for ‘Egotistical bastards’

…and also for elephant cock You see them every day (not elephant cocks, although you might…I’m not judging) – they fester on your FB wall, and taunt on your Twitter feed – the smug faced gits, the egotistical bastards. The writer with an exaggerated sense of their own importance, the one who can’t shut up …

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Apr 06

D is for ‘Doohickeys and thingamabobs’

…and also for douchecanoe I see far too many conversations or forum threads dedicated to the most inane writing topics: “I need a realistic hobby for my time-travelling French resistance fighter!” “I can’t possibly write without knowing which piece of writing software is the best of the best of the best…” “What shall I call …

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Apr 04

C is for ‘Competing complainers’

…and also for cockwaffle. Not too long ago when a person screamed life was getting too much for them and they were drowning, a flood of people would wash in to save them. Nowadays everyone is too busy wading up to their necks to compete for who has it worse – as if the quickest …

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